We open on a shot of some clouds, which part to reveal the majestic Tuna Mountain towering above the land. The soundtrack swells as we pull back to reveal Gerald and his hot dog companion looking on in wonder.
- Gerald: Oh, Hot Dog. When will I ever attain conspicuously beautiful hair? And what about that evil controller of cats, who aims to spoil my significant expedition with his menacing cat-suited associ-
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: HEY!
From somewhere off-screen, the Inappropriate Comedy Tree shuffles forward wearing a pair of jeans around his roots.
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: DO YOU GUYS LIKE MY NEW JEANS?!
- Gerald: (to Hot Dog) That inappropriate tree has been following us since the convenience store.
- Hot Dog: LA!
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: THEY'RE NEW JEANS!
- Gerald: I'll ask him his business.
Gerald steps forward.
- Gerald: Hello there, tree.
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: HEY!
- Gerald: What's your business?
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: WELL, I USED TO WORK FOR COIFFIO, WHO'S THE EVIL CONTROLLER OF CATS! BUT HE WAS MEAN TO ME AND CRANKY AND HE DIDN'T LIKE MY JOKES AND HE CALLED ME NAMES AND HE USED BAD WORDS AND THEY REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS AND I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Gerald has been drenched in the tree's spittle, yet still he continues to rant and rave with no sign of stopping.
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: SO I SAVED UP ALL MY MONEY AND I BOUGHT THESE NEW JEANS AND I RAN AWAY!
- Gerald: What's your name?
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: DO YOU LIKE MY... NORMAN DOUGLAS!
In the background, a strange wind is starting to pick up.
- Gerald: Would you like to join us on our significant quest?
- Norman Douglas: THAT'D BE FRUCKING AWESOME!
Hot Dog notices the odd weather conditions that now surround them and tries to attract Gerald's attention.
- Hot Dog: LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA!
- Gerald: It's suddenly a tornado.
Indeed, a tornado is now heading toward the three of them.
- Norman Douglas: AHHH! TORNADO! AAAAHHHH!
A pair of red eyes from within the tornado is apparently the last thing our heroes see before we fade to the opening titles.
OPENING TITLES
Cut to outer space, where Coiffio's spaceship rushes into view.
- Coiffio: Oh no, no, no, no, no!
We zoom in closer, and see that Coiffio is relaxing in an outdoor pool shaped liked his very own hair. To one side there is a bar, and yet another pool - this one in the shape of a hot dog - in which a shark fin is busy circling aimlessly.
- Coiffio: Oh no, no, no, no, no!
We zoom even closer. Coiffio is looking through a yellow telescope, while nearby his trusty Astronomical Cat is floating in a life preserver.
- Coiffio: Gerald has hooked up with the annoying comedy tree, Norman Douglas!
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Coiffio: Together they might become our mortal ememenineminies! Emenemies! Enuh...
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Coiffio: Okay, listen up, oh Astr... tronautic... Cat. Fly quickly and attack-death-kill-murder Gerald's bald head!
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
Astronomical Cat sprouts wings and flies out of the pool.
- Coiffio: Heh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Coiffio is now out of the pool, his body almost completely on display. Model Robot pops his head out of the pool.
- Coiffio: Model Robot! Transform into a soft Terry Cloth wobe! That I might dwy off my hot bod before steering the ship towards... oh-ho-ho, dare I say it... The lair of the Cat Man!
Model Robot begins his lengthy transform process.
- Coiffio: Hurry up, A. H. Before my genitalia wetweats inside my abdomem. Abdomememen. MAH BELLY!
Cut to outside Uncle Grandfather's pad. A wide shot reveals that Uncle Grandfather is on the roof, looking through a yellow telescope at the tornado as it ravages the nearby forest.
- Uncle Grandfather: Oh man! The tornado's about... to suck up my bald nephew! (chuckles) Awesome. So much for that retarded journey. Away!
Uncle Grandfather dives into his home and lands in a sitting position behind his table. He retrieves a banana and starts to munch on it.
- Uncle Grandfather: Mmm. Banananana. Banenenum.
Suddenly, Rod - the anime god - explodes out of thin air and takes Uncle Grandfather by surprise.
- Uncle Grandfather: (gasps)
- Rod: Hey.
- Uncle Grandfather: Hi.
- Rod: Journey's not over.
Rod disappears and reappears behind Uncle Grandfather.
- Rod: Guh-boy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoing.
- Uncle Grandfather: Who... are you?
- Rod: I'm Rod, the Anime God.
Once again, Rod magically switches positions.
- Rod: Guh-boy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoing.
- Uncle Grandfather: What-the-****!
- Rod: Isn't there like a... Isn't there like a really hot girl who works here?
- Uncle Grandfather: Oh. The hot girl.
- Rod: Is she here today, or uh...
- Uncle Grandfather: Why?
Suspenseful music swells, and Rod leans in close to Uncle Grandfather before whispering...
- Rod: 'Cause I wanna show her my ding-dong.
Rod & Uncle Grandfather both laugh like schoolchildren.
- Rod: No, seriously, the girl? She's our only hope. Where is she?
- Uncle Grandfather: Shut your boring face already.
- Rod: Wha... What did you say to me? Asshole?
- Uncle Grandfather: You listen to me. I can capture anyone I want at any time. In buns!
- Rod: What, you're gonna hit me with a bun?
- Uncle Grandfather: Initiate Bun Surrounder Enveloper Attack Circle Rod Trap Go!
A man-sized bun floats down and commences chasing Rod around the room, to Uncle Grandfather's delight.
- Uncle Grandfather: (laughs)
- Rod: Oh, quit it! Get, get this away from me! Get this, get this bun offa me!
Rod disappears just as the bun is about to ensnare him.
- Uncle Grandfather: Damn it, where... Where'd he go? Bun. Go quickry. Warn Gerald the secret miritary porice are manipulating the pran.
The bun floats off-screen.
- Uncle Grandfather: Fry! Fly away! Fly away fast! And frap around! Punch 'em out! Blenda! Come in here!
Brenda enters.
- Uncle Grandfather: I have news of the utmost importance.
Uncle Grandfather tosses some change onto the ground.
- Uncle Grandfather: You dropped some money.
Brenda nods and spins around. She bends over in order to scoop up the money, presenting her bottom to Uncle Grandfather as his attention returns to his banana snack.
- Uncle Grandfather: Mmm. Banananana.
We return to Gerald, only to find him on the verge of being sucked into the tornado. He is busy clinging to Norman Douglas' new jeans, while Norman clutches a discarded bathtub. Hot Dog has his mouth wrapped around Gerald's foot. They're all screaming like girls.
- Norman Douglas: IT'S GOT ME! IT'S GOT ME! AAAAHHH!
- Gerald: Aaaah! Aaaah!
- Hot Dog: (panicked) LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!
The tornado is suddenly reduced to the size of a man, and it now has a fairly trustworthy face with bright green eyes and a charming smile.
- Gerald: Oh.
The danger apparently averted, Gerald and pals collapse safely to the ground.
- Terry: Say, what are you fellows doing in the woodsy-forest?
- Norman Douglas: DON'T GET TOO CLOSE! HE'LL SUCK YOU UP!
- Gerald: Are you here to do us harm?
- Terry: Oh, go on! I'm not that kind of tornado. I'm just Terry!
Terry promptly regains his enormous stature and a purple wind whirls around our heroes.
- Norman Douglas: WE'RE GONNA DIE!
In a puff of purple smoke, each of them are suddenly bestowed with ice-cream. Terry returns to his non-threatening shape.
- Gerald: Ice-cream.
- Terry: See?
Hot Dog starts to lick his ice-cream.
- Norman Douglas: DON'T EAT IT! IT'S POISON!
- Terry: Oh, go on, you! I just came out here for a spin. Oh-ho-ho-ho. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho. Ohhh.
- Gerald: Ha-ha ha-ha. Ha-ha ha-ha ha. Good one, Terry.
Terry's expression suddenly shifts to a frown and his eyes turn red.
- Twisty: It's Twisty.
- Gerald: What?
- Twisty: The name's Twisty!
Twisty's voice echoes demonically and we zoom in on his face. Norman Douglas' teeth chatter nervously.
- Gerald: Oh. Welcome, Twisty.
Twisty is replaced by Terry, who seems oblivious to his other personality.
- Terry: It's Terry.
- Gerald: Terry.
- Norman Douglas: DAMN IT!
Cut to Cat Man's "lair", which resembles a giant cat carrier. Several sacks of kitty litter are piled up outside. Model Robot descends from above, with Coiffio riding him all the way down. Upon landing, Coiffio activates his wrist-communicator and speaks
- Coiffio: Cat Man!
There is no response. Coiffio jumps forward onto the steps leading into Cat Man's lair.
- Coiffio: Cat Man!
- Cat Man: (from inside) What?
Coiffio enters Cat Man's lair, which is flooded with kitty litter. Cat Man is sitting in the middle of it all, scratching away and looking barely interested. Coiffio continues to yell into his wrist-communicator.
- Coiffio: Have you not heard? Gerald has joined up with Terry as well!
Cat Man ignores Coiffio, so he jumps onto the couch.
- Coiffio: Our danger is weal!
Model Robot enters.
- Model Robot: His name is Terry, baby.
- Coiffio: I know that, Model Wobot! (to wrist-communicator) Cat Man!
- Cat Man: Right here.
- Model Robot: Hey, what if, uh...
- Coiffio: Shut up, Model Douchebag, I cannot listen and talk at the same time! (to wrist-communicator) Oh no, Cat Man, where are you? Over!
- Model Robot: What if we drop a, uh...
- Coiffio: Shut UP, Model Douchebag!
- Model Robot: ... a cat bomb on them.
Frustrated, Coiffio jumps off the couch and pushes Model Robot out of the room.
- Coiffio: Eeeeyuh! Ehh! (to Cat Man) 'kay, so, anyway. Are you, uh, by any chance, using the vast sums of money I gave you to administer death-murder on Gerald's head yet? Over.
- Cat Man: Oh, definitely, I'm planning a full scale assault.
- Coiffio: Oh, sweet. Tewwific.
Cat Man returns to idly clawing the kitty litter. He then begins cleaning himself with his tongue.
- Coiffio: When does that begin though? Over.
Cat Man doesn't respond.
- Coiffio: Over?
Cat Man looks up. Neither speak for a long time, so Cat Man returns to licking himself.
- Coiffio: Alright, look. I know nobody wants to do this. And, uh...
Lights of many different colors begin flashing on Coiffio's wrist-communicator and a tinny alarm sounds.
- Coiffio: Aw, what time is...? Aww, shoot. Damn it to hell. I got to skate. Just at least... Turn off the lights in the forest.
- Cat Man: Okay, bye.
Coiffio claps his hands twice causing him to disappear. He reappears momentarily.
- Coiffio: Did you see that? That's new. CHECK IT!
Cut to a bird's eye view of the Young Man driving down a winding road through the forest. The animals he presides over are crammed into the vehicle with him.
- Young Man: Scoot over, you smelly animals! And stop urinating on the seats!
- Sherman: That's not fair to us.
- Young Man: Eugh. You don't understand! That nephew on his journey must find the source of the follicle transmissions or the entire security of the grid will be compromised!
- Monkey: Turn!
The Young Man makes a quick turn and continues driving.
- Young Man: If the field angle is-
Steam begins pouring from the front of the car.
- Young Man: Now what?! Goodness.
- Monkey: Hey, turn the heat on.
- Young Man: What?
- Monkey: We're overheating! It'll dissipate the heat from the engine! Come on, don't you know anything, jerk?!
- Young Man: You don't understand!
- Oryx: Turn the heat on, damn it!
- Young Man: I'm the king!
- Bird: Just turn it on!
- Sherman: C'mon, punk.
- Oryx: Turn the heat on!
- Bird: Do it!
- Young Man: Fine. Rrgh. Heat's on.
True to his word, the Young Man turns on the heat, causing the windshield to fog up.
- Young Man: Stupid ****king animals.
The monkey wipes his hand across the windshield.
- Monkey: Big hole coming up.
- Everyone: Ahhhh!
The car falls into a huge hole placed in the middle of the road.
- Monkey: Now what do we do, genius?
- Young Man: You DON'T understand! We're in a big hole!
Back with Gerald and pals, and they're making slow progress through the forest. Terry/Twisty continually changes expressions as he flips between personas.
- Norman Douglas: ICE-CREAM SODA!
- Gerald: What?
- Norman Douglas: ICE-CREAM SODA PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME! KNOCK KNOCK! BAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!
- Gerald: Huh.
- Norman Douglas: GET IT?!
- Gerald: No.
- Hot Dog: LA LA-LA-LA.
Suddenly, a light, unintelligible voice speaks and the background flickers obscurely.
- Gerald: Wait, everyone.
Gerald places a hand to the side of his head, listening intently.
- Gerald: Who's there?
- Norman Douglas: ICE-CREAM SODA!
The voice speaks again.
- Gerald: I hear a sudden voice in my former ear. Hello?
The voice continues to twitter on.
- Gerald: Mom?
At that moment, all the lights in the forest are turned off leaving our heroes quite literally in the dark.
- Gerald: Oh man. All the lights went off.
- Norman Douglas: WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!
Cut to a shot of Gerald's former ear in a chest. The owner of the voice speaks into it, and when we pull back we see that it is Brenda talking. Suddenly, a door bursts open, and Uncle Grandfather stands before her flanked by a pair of Military Policemen.
- Uncle Grandfather: Brenda! What have you done?! You have started... The Cat/Bun Wars! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
We zoom into Uncle Grandfather's mouth, and then cut to the Young Man peering through a yellow telescope as he clings to Sherman's neck. He retreats back into the hole, and we soon see why - they are surrounded by thousands upon thousands of cats and hot dog buns, each of them armed to the teeth. Beneath the dark and ominous clouds, two armies are about to clash - the Cat/Bun Wars have begun.
END TITLES
We fade into Pineapplebees, where two scantily clad girls are seated at a table. They talk amongst themselves in the same obscure tongue used by Brenda.
- Coiffio: Check one, three... two... one...
We pull back and see that Coiffio has set up a guitar and a speaker to one side of the room.
- Coiffio: Good evening out there! See a lotta of people out there. (turns around) Dial back on the weverb! (turns back) You in the corner, happy birthday!
The two girls fail to respond.
- Coiffio: Happy birthday over there! Welcome to Pineapplebees!
Coiffio begins playing the guitar.
- Coiffio: Y'all don't be afraid to get up and dance.
The girls stare at each other. Coiffio continues unabated, and in the background three Military Policemen stand tending bar.
- Coiffio: There's no doubt when you're hungry there's only... (sings) ONE PLACE TO GO! In my opinion, that's Pineapplebees! For an opening entree of pineapples! With a side of danger! And you get two sides! So get your beans, and danger! All the women and monkey men are there to celebrate your birthday in that monkey way, hey hey hey!