Hovering in the sky, the clown planet seems to stare obliviously into the far reaches of space as the Astronomical Cat swoops by, its theme music playing on a constant loop as it does so. In the background, the bun sent by Uncle Grandfather to warn Gerald flits across the screen.
We immediately pan down to the earth below, where an ugly and brutal conflict has broken out. Cats and buns are fighting each other, and right in the middle of it all the Young Man is still stuck in the hole - clinging to Sherman's neck as he surveys the carnage. He momentarily falls back down into the hole where his animal cohorts await.
- Young Man: Golly, it looks like we're in the middle of a war between hot dog buns and cats! And I'm certain this war is because someone is mad at the other.
- Felix: Just get us out of here, ya dumb son of a bitch!
- Young Man: You don't understand!
- Monkey: And if you hadn't driven us into this hole, maybe we'd be eating ribs by now.
- Sherman: Yeah, or some tacos.
- Felix: I don't want tacos.
- Zebra: I'm not eating anywhere where we'll see people from work.
- Parrot: Mac and cheese!
- Young Man: Okay, animals. Assume battle positions! Ten hut!
- Bird: (squawks)
- Sherman: How's about some fish then?
- Felix: Mmmm!
- Sherman: Fish is good.
- Monkey: Yeah, that sounds good.
- Young Man: Come on, everybody, ten hut!
- Sherman: Felix! How about you flies down to Apalachicola and pick us up a cooler of fresh fish?
Felix, the bear, revs up the engine on his jetpack.
- Sherman: Some scrot. No tartar.
Felix's jetpack roars into action and he blasts up and out of the hole. The animals babble excitedly at the prospect of food.
- Young Man: There is no time for snacking!
- Sherman: You might wanna use the hamburger necklace thing now, son.
The Young Man looks down at the necklace, which now appears to be glowing.
- Young Man: I suppose its magical properties could prevail over the evil forces that surround us.
- Sherman: It might even could distract the buns and the cats, then we could go out and be out and go do what we're supposed to been doin'.
As the war rages on, the Young Man gingerly hoists the hamburger necklace up into the air - where it goes unnoticed by the feuding felines and battling buns.
- Young Man: I'm not so sure this hamburger necklace is magical at all.
- Sherman: Wave it around out there!
- Young Man: Look, animals...
- Animals: Wiggle it around!
- Animals: Give it a little jiggle!
- Sherman: You're doin' it wrong!
- Young Man: Fine. (waves the hamburger necklace) Are you happy?
- Sherman: Keep your finger on it!
Suddenly, the Astronomical Cat flies down and latches its claws onto the Young Man's extended hand in an attempt to steal the necklace. It ends up taking off his hand in the process.
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Young Man: Ahhh-AAHHHHH!
Astronomical Cat flies off with both hand and necklace. The Young Man is left staring at his severed limb as it spews blood.
- Young Man: Hey! That cat took my hand!
- Sherman: Swordfish is good.
- Monkey: Yeah.
- Sherman: Lightly seasoned swordfish.
OPENING TITLES
Cut to a shot of Uncle Grandfather's home at night.
- Uncle Grandfather: NOOOOO!
We go inside, and find Uncle Grandfather still confronting Brenda.
- Uncle Grandfather: Brenda! I can't berieve you started the Cat/Bun Wars! Well, I guess now I gotta go and negotiate the cease fire. That is so uncool. I guess you'll just have to...
Uncle Grandfather dives beneath Brenda and stares upwards.
- Uncle Grandfather: ... make it up to me somehow! (giggles) I wonder how.
Later on, we see Uncle Grandfather at a table in the middle of a field. Cats and buns are stationed on either side, and at the forefront their respective commanding officers are seated along with Uncle Grandfather. A piece of paper bearing the words "Cease Fire" is on the table before them.
- Uncle Grandfather: General Meow.
- General Meow: (meows)
- Uncle Grandfather: Commander Bun.
Commander Bun just sits there stalwartly.
- Uncle Grandfather: Okay, I got somewhere I gotta be, so... Come on. Sign it. Come on. Sign it. Sign it. Sign it. Come on. Seriously. Sign it. Sign it. Sign it.
Cut abruptly to Coiffio's house, with a typically long establishing shot accompanied by upbeat music. When the music seems to have finished, we hear Coiffio speak.
- Coiffio: I will live on this fan-
However the music lets out one final prolonged note, cutting Coiffio off in mid-sentence. At last, the music comes to a close, and we immediately zoom up into the sky and see Coiffio's spaceship.
- Coiffio: I will live on this fanciful ship!
We zoom in closer, and see Coiffio and Model Robot hanging out beside the pool.
- Coiffio: Until my house is sold! Model Wobot, have you found me a buyer?
- Model Robot: Why don't you lease it to earn extra income, baby?
- Coiffio: What?! Why won't you transform into an A-bomb? Blow yourself up!
- Model Robot: Okay, but... But why, baby? Why?
- Coiffio: TURN-INTO-A-BOMB-I-SAY!
- Model Robot: Oh, alright.
Model Robot instantly transforms and explodes in quick succession, seemingly destroying the spaceship in the process. Coiffio floats into view.
- Coiffio: Oh. Now I miss him.
We zoom in on Coiffio's hair, and see a Model Robot montage within it as Coiffio mourns.
- Coiffio: (sings) Oh, Metal Butthole. Sweet Metal Butthole. Want you to know I miss you so.
Coiffio appears within the montage to interject.
- Montage Coiffio: So EFFin' much!
- Coiffio: (sings) You were always so bowing, with your incessant twansforming. Too bad that you are... little burning pieces at my feet.
The montage over, we see Coiffio now standing back on the spaceship in his original position. Various smoldering scraps of Model Robot lie scattered about the pool area. When he's done singing, the Astronomical Cat flies down and lands on the side of the pool.
- Coiffio: Ahhh, yeah! What up, Aero... Aeronauma... Ai, Astroma... Na... Space Cat! Where did you get that hamburger necklace and hand?
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Coiffio: Ohh! You've killed... Gerald!
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Coiffio: Good Aerona... buh... Aeros... Space Cat. Sweet, sweet relief. See, now I can move...
We zoom out very fast to a wide shot of the ship.
- Coiffio: TO FANTASTIC SPACE! I give you a treat now, cat.
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
Cut to Uncle Grandfather sitting in his home with a vacuum cleaner and cake propped up on the table. To one side, a video camera has been set up to film the inanimate objects.
- Uncle Grandfather: Okay now, cake. You pretend you're chamber-maid, and vacuum cleaner you preasently surprised. This leads to sex! Okay, quiet. Quiet on the set. Quiet. Speed. "Happy Suck Day To Me" take...
He is interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing.
- Uncle Grandfather: Damn!
Uncle Grandfather zips over to the nearby rotary phone and answers it.
- Uncle Grandfather: Herro.
- Coiffio: Hey man!
- Uncle Grandfather: Oh, Christ.
Via the magic of the split-screen, we now see Coiffio talking to Uncle Grandfather.
- Coiffio: Guess what!
- Uncle Grandfather: Why?
- Coiffio: I killed your son! Nyahahahaha!
- Uncle Grandfather: What are you talking about?
- Coiffio: I killed him!
- Uncle Grandfather: I don't have a son.
- Coiffio: (leans into Uncle Grandfather's half of the screen) 'Cause I killed him!!! Heh-heh-heh.
- Uncle Grandfather: You're retarded.
- Coiffio: I killed him.
- Uncle Grandfather: Look, um...
- Coiffio: Heh-heh-hey.
- Uncle Grandfather: I gotta go cause...
- Coiffio: 'Cause I killed him.
- Uncle Grandfather: Cake and vacuum cleaner are waiting on me.
- Coiffio: Yeah.
- Uncle Grandfather: So, reave a message after the tone.
Uncle Grandfather hangs up.
- Coiffio: What... what?
Cut to Coiffio back on his ship.
- Coiffio: Bullshi... I mean, buh... bullsh... BALLS!
As if from nowhere, Rod appears - looking a great deal larger than usual. Coiffio is so surprised that he backflips out of the way.
- Rod: Oof. Check it out.
- Coiffio: Who the EFF are you?!
- Rod: I'm Rod the God. How much you want for it?
- Coiffio: What're you talkin' about?
- Rod: Your crib, dude.
- Coiffio: Oh yeah.
- Rod: I love sunken living rooms.
- Coiffio: You have good taste. But first, Astronomic Cat must perform... background check!
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Coiffio: Go!!!
The Astronomical Cat's theme tune plays and it flies away. It then returns and flies over to a computer, and starts typing the letter "R" over and over again. This goes on for a while.
- Rod: The hell's that cat doin', man?
- Coiffio: Aw, chill Rod. I'm sure you'll pass.
Coiffio jumps over to the computer and takes a look for himself.
- Coiffio: Ahh. Seven years to pay off a hatchback?
- Rod: Dude, I...
- Coiffio: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, Wod, get weal.
- Rod: Look, I'd love to just hang out here and watch your cat type, uh, the letter "R" twenty five times in a row, but...
Coiffio jumps back over to Rod.
- Coiffio: I'm selling this crib, man. Based on my thwilledness over killing... the bald Gerald!
- Rod: That bald kid?
- Coiffio: Yeah-heh-heh-heh.
- Rod: Man, that dude is not dead.
- Coiffio: What?
- Rod: Yeah, I just saw him, like, today.
- Coiffio: Yeah, wight! Look here! I got his hand, man!
Coiffio holds up the hamburger necklace, at the end of which dangles the Young Man's hand.
- Rod: Nah, ha-ha.
- Coiffio: (waving the hand) Hey Wod! Hey Wod!
- Rod: You don't.
- Coiffio: What're you talkin' about?
- Rod: I mean, look at all this hair.
- Coiffio: (holds up the hand and looks at it) Wha...?
- Rod: What you got there is a man hand.
We zoom in tight on the hand and see that it is indeed covered in thick, manly hair.
- Coiffio: Oh, no. Oh, no, don't do this! Come on!
Rod suddenly sneezes, blowing away both the ship and Coiffio.
- Rod: Oh, man.
We cut to the Convenience Store of Death. In the sky, we can just about make out Coiffio parachuting down from space. Inside, Cat Man is dealing with a customer - a baby in a walker trying to purchase alcohol.
- Drunk Baby: (gurgles)
- Cat Man: Can I see some ID?
- Drunk Baby: (cries)
- Cat Man: (waves him off) Ahhh, just kidding.
The walker rolls through the automatic doors, and we see Coiffio slowly falling to the earth just outside
- Coiffio: Turn the lights on! Gerald is still alive! Allege... Attention! Attende! Ali Baba!
The drunk baby drives by in a car and knocks Coiffio out of the air.
- Coiffio: MNUH!
The parachute falls over Coiffio as he struggles to his feet.
- Coiffio: Cat Man! Attentio-
Cat Man shoots Coiffio in the chest with the gatling gun. Coiffio lies motionless on the ground for a minute or so.
- Coiffio: I have heard the most disturbing news!
- Cat Man: (puts the gun beneath the counter) What?
Coiffio bounces up to the counter, his gunshot wound still bleeding.
- Coiffio: Gerald is still alive!
- Cat Man: Who cares?
- Coiffio: Ah! Cat Man! C'mon, man! We care! Heh...
- Cat Man: I don't.
- Coiffio: I care about you, Cat Man!
- Cat Man: Urgh.
- Coiffio: Do me a favor, Cat Man. Turn the lights back on in the fowest.
- Cat Man: I'm busy.
- Coiffio: Oh, yeah, yeah, I know, man. Whenever you get a window, man.
Coiffio jumps on top of Cat Man and starts pummelling him behind the counter.
- Coiffio: Like right ****ing now you ****ing cat!!!
We now see the drunk baby driving through the forest.
- Drunk Baby: (laughs)
Eventually the car falls into the same hole as the Young Man, crashing in a huge ball of fire. The walker has spilled out onto the ground at the Young Man's feet.
- Young Man: What is the fi...
- Drunk Baby: (cries)
- Young Man: Now what?! Ugh. First I get trapped in a hole with smelly animals who bicker, then my hand is severed, now I have to care for a drunk baby.
- Sherman: We-we-we-we-we-we could eat that!
- Young Man: Drunk baby...
- Sherman: Put some sauce on his face.
- Young Man: I'm afraid you'll have to find another place to live.
- Monkey: Well, hang on. (retrieves a twelve-pack of beer from the baby's walker) Baby's got a twelve pack.
- Sherman: Don't be stingy, pop the top, throw it up here.
- Young Man: Oh, you animals are incorrigible.
Cut to Uncle Grandfather, who has begun shooting "Happy Suck Day To Me".
- Uncle Grandfather: Vaccum cleaner, bend cake over.
He pushes the vacuum cleaner under the cake.
- Uncle Grandfather: That's right. And then you go...
He shoves the two objects together so that the cake is leaning forward.
- Uncle Grandfather: That's it. Rated R!
He thrusts the vacuum cleaner suggestively into the cake, before rushing over to the camera in order to bark directions.
- Uncle Grandfather: Frost his bag. Frost his bag! Frost his bag! Oh my god...
A silhouette in the shape of a Military Policeman stands in front of Uncle Grandfather, and we hear a gun cocking sound.
- Uncle Grandfather: Oh, hi. Can you get this vacuum cleaner to **** this cake?
END TITLES