Open on the Perfect Hair Forever logo floating amongst the stars. It is then replaced by Gerald, Hot Dog, Norman Douglas, and Terry.
- Rod: (voice-over) We now journey the join... (sighs)... already in progress.
The backdrop fades to that of the forest, and the four of them continue walking.
- Gerald: Man, we've been walking here for a week and a half.
- Hot Dog: LAAA!
- Gerald: Maybe I need to give a motivational thing.
- Hot Dog: Ahhh.
Gerald stops and addresses his companions.
- Gerald: Friends. We're all in this together. So Tree, if Terry pulls a knife on you...
- Norman Douglas: WHAT?!
- Terry: Eh-heh-heh.
- Gerald: He's crazy. But we have to continue our journey to Tuna Mountain or I'm gonna be stuck with this imperfect hair forever. And you know people are trying to kill us. And weird things happen.
A miniature Space Ghost appears in front of Gerald's face, doing the Robot. He then promptly disappears again.
- Gerald: So let's just put our heads together and get through this.
- Terry: Hey, friends, I have an idea!
- Gerald: Yes?
- Terry: Let's make a list of all the things that are trying to thwart our significant quest!
- Gerald: Alright.
- Twisty: First one is this tree!
Twisty pulls out a knife and stabs Norman Douglas.
- Norman Douglas: AHHHH! HE STABBED ME IN MY NECK!
Twisty laughs wickedly.
- Norman Douglas: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!
- Twisty: Heh-heh. Yes.
- Norman Douglas: COME GET SOME, MAN! EUAAAAH!
The two of them engage in a blustery duel, completely obscured by the wind. It dissipates for a moment and we see Twisty has gotten the better of Norman Douglas.
- Twisty: On your knees.
The wind picks up again and they clash once more.
- Norman Douglas: AHHH! QUIT IT! UNGH! UH! AH! STOP DOING THAT! STOP IT!
- Gerald: I'm frustrated by my journey and you people aren't helping.
Gerald walks away.
- Hot Dog: DOO DA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
- Gerald: Hot Dog... Hot Dog... You're starting to piss me off.
- Hot Dog: LA LA...!
Soon enough, they come across Cat Man's lair. Cat Man is sitting outside talking on the phone.
- Cat Man: ... and then rammed the whole head of it into the ground. I mean, it didn't even- Ah... Bye.
He hangs up, having caught sight of Gerald.
- Cat Man: Hey, Paul.
- Hot Dog: LA!
Hot Dog flees.
- Gerald: What...?
- Cat Man: Where you guys-
Cat Man is interrupted by a cute squirrel chirping happily to itself. He glares at the squirrel until it scampers away.
- Cat Man: Where you guys goin'?
- Gerald: I'm on a journey to Mount Tuna... Mountain.
Hot Dog returns, just in time to see Rod appear out of nowhere.
- Rod: Dy-no-miiite! What's goin' on, y'all? What's, uh, what's happenin', what's shakin'? I heard somebody say journey.
- Gerald: I'm on a journey.
- Rod: Yeah, man. I hear they're comin' to the Tunarena. I got tickets. For you.
Rod leans in close to Gerald, and produces a pair of tickets from thin air.
- Gerald: No, thankyou.
- Hot Dog: (grunts) LA-LA-LA! LAAAA...
Hot Dog leaves.
- Rod: Look, you gonna buy these tickets or not? Cause I really need some cash for the down payment on my house that I'm buying from Coiffio who wants to move to space.
- Gerald: We don't need tickets. We need to get to Tuna Mountain.
- Rod: Whoa! If Tuna Mountain's what you seek, just look for the sign.
- Gerald: What sign is that?
- Rod: Uhhh, I dunno. There's probably a sign- anyone have a map? Anyone have a map to the signs?
- Cat Man: You wanna get to Tuna Mountain, you're gonna need motorcycles.
- Gerald: Really...?
- Cat Man: Yeah, motorcycles, Tuna Mountain.
- Rod: He's in a cat suit.
- Gerald: Yeah.
- Cat Man: What cat suit?!
- Rod: Hey, kid, c'mere, look... Look down here, look down here...
Rod offers Gerald some blotter paper decorated with a picture of Skillet from "12 Oz. Mouse".
- Rod: Put this on your tongue.
- Gerald: What is it?
- Rod: LSD.
- Gerald: Is it dangerous?
- Rod: (scoffs) Yeah.
- Gerald: No, thankyou.
- Rod: And it's fun and legal.
- Gerald: No, thankyou.
- Norman Douglas: HEY! ANYBODY LIKE FUNNY JOKES?!
Norman Douglas comes charging through the forest and crashes into Gerald, knocking him over.
- Gerald: Aaaah!
- Norman Douglas: YEEEAAAH!
Norman Douglas snatches the paper in his mouth and zooms away.
- Norman Douglas: AAAAHAAHAAHAAAAAA!
- Rod: (to Gerald) You're already on part of this drug.
We iris out on Gerald's face as Rod laughs.
- Rod: Dumbass.
OPENING TITLES
Gerald awakens, only to find Cat Man licking his head.
- Gerald: Ow!
Gerald crawls away.
- Cat Man: What?
- Gerald: Bitch!
Coiffio arrives, riding a gigantic motorcycle with hot-dog bun spokes.
- Coiffio: Cat Man!
He jumps off the bike and lands beside Gerald.
- Coiffio: I am enwaged to see you with Gerald and not killing him!
- Cat Man: You said to kill Paul.
- Coiffio: Aww, who the EFF is Paul? I said Gerald!
- Gerald: Are you... Coiffio?
- Coiffio: Ah-hah!
- Gerald: The evil controller of cats...?
- Coiffio: EFFin'-A wight, little bitch!
Coiffio pulls a guitar out of nowhere and plays it.
- Coiffio: Heh-heh-heh-heh. I challenge you...
He jumps back onto the bike and revs the engine enticingly.
- Coiffio: To a choppa dool!
- Gerald: What?
- Coiffio: A choppa dool!
- Gerald: What?
- Coiffio: CHOPPA DOOL!
Gerald returns to a standing position in a puff of magical energy.
- Gerald: What?
Coiffio sighs and jumps back down so he's facing Gerald.
- Coiffio: I challenge you to a motorcycle... competition.
- Gerald: But we're in the dense forest.
- Coiffio: Yeah, but... I mean...
- Gerald: We'll need a race track.
Rod reappears, but this time he's tiny.
- Rod: Someone say race track, or, uh... uh... Damn it!
He disappears again, causing Gerald and Coiffio to look bemused. Then there is an enormous explosion as Rod returns, his body practically filling the screen. Gerald and Coiffio have been blown backwards.
- Rod: Someone say race track, or, uh...
- Gerald: Yes.
- Rod: Who needs race tracks?
- Gerald: We do.
- Rod: I got all that stuff, but uh... I gots to get paid.
- Coiffio: Ohh, hello... Wod!
- Rod: Uh.
- Coiffio: Are you prepared to make an offer on my house, giant flame?
- Rod: Eh-heh-heh. Well, don't you think you're asking a little too much for it, man?
- Coiffio: This other couple seems not to think I'm not asking too much!
- Rod: Dude, listen-
- Coiffio: Wod!
- Rod: Dude.
- Gerald: That man in the cat suit says we need motorcycles to get to Tuna Mountain.
- Cat Man: What cat suit?!
- Coiffio: But, but, I challenge him to a race to the death! So, we need a wace track!
- Rod: Alright, look, I can clear all this up with a low 8.9% APR financing on a thirty year mortgage with no down-payment, alright?
- Coiffio: Mmmm.
- Rod: (to Gerald) And if you... You buy my tickets... Then I'll do this. So everybody agrees with me?
- Gerald: Agreed.
- Coiffio: Agweed.
- Rod: Oh yes. Gonna take a little trip.
Rod holds up a lighter and sets the strip of paper attached to his forehead alight. He subsequently explodes and we find ourselves looking out at numerous hot dog buns and cats playing musical instruments. This would be the Tunarena, and amidst a sea of buns and cats there sits an enormous tower. We hear the Young Man's voice over a speaker system.
- Young Man: Here we are, folks, at the Ultimate Immortal Death Race 32,000 ... Dot Com!
We zoom in on the tower and see both the Young Man and Sherman in the room at the top of the tower, wearing headsets and surrounded by television monitors.
- Young Man: Between Coiffio and Young Gerald! And I'm being told we have Astronomical-
- Sherman: Not to interrupt and cut you off, Young Son, but we have Astronomical Cat providing aerial views of the race!
We now see Astronomical Cat flying around the arena holding a video camera.
- Young Man: We're just moments away from the start, as the racers make their last minute preparations.
- Sherman: And the breeze is in the north-easterly direction!
Cut to Cat Man standing next to a box, as Coiffio rides by on his motorcycle.
- Coiffio: Oh no!
He promptly crashes off-screen, and debris goes flying past. Coiffio jumps over to Cat Man, apparently unharmed.
- Coiffio: And what plans have-
The debris explodes, sending Coiffio flying.
- Coiffio: AAAHH!!!
Coiffio returns unscathed.
- Coiffio: And what plans have you, Cat Man, to prevent Gerald from wictory?
- Cat Man: Oh, I got a little somethin'. Check it out.
Cat Man slams his fist onto the box, which opens to reveal an alligator.
- Coiffio: Heh. Alligator.
- Cat Man: You know, throw it on the track-
The alligator jumps on Cat Man.
- Cat Man: Augh, gator! Gah! Get off me you EFFin' gator!
- Coiffio: Ha-ha-ha-ha! Helpful as usual.
We now see Hot Dog working on Gerald's bike with a wrench.
- Hot Dog: LLLAAA! RRRRLA! LA! LLLLLA!
- Gerald: Look, Hot Dog.
- Hot Dog: LA-LA!
Hot Dog tosses the wrench away.
- Gerald: Tuna Mountain.
They both look out towards the distant Tuna Mountain, only for Coiffio to drive along on his bike and obscure their view.
- Coiffio: Ohhh, so you want to get to Tuna Mountain?
- Gerald: Yeah.
- Coiffio: You're goin' get have to get past me first!
Norman Douglas jumps onto the back of Gerald's bike.
- Norman Douglas: BRING IT ON, MAN! WE'LL KICK YOUR ASS!
Coiffio begins mimicking the sound of a motorcycle engine.
- Norman Douglas: STOP IT!
Coiffio ignores Norman's pleas and continues.
- Norman Douglas: STOP DOING THAT!
- Coiffio: Heh-heh. Now I'm gonna do it with the engine!
Coiffio drives away, still doing the bike sounds with his mouth.
- Norman Douglas: QUIT IT! WE'LL KICK YOUR ASS!
- Gerald: Tree, I have bad news for you.
- Norman Douglas: WHAT?!
- Gerald: I'm afraid I've got to do this alone.
- Norman Douglas: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ALONE?!
- Gerald: I'm sorry. It's your enormous helmet.
We now see that Norman Douglas is wearing a bike helmet that is nearly as large as he is.
- Norman Douglas: WHAT DO YOU MEAN...?!
- Gerald: The drag on your enormous helmet will be too much, and you just can't draft with a helmet that enormous. And you're also... just a... tree.
- Norman Douglas: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Tears begin filling Norman's goggles.
- Gerald: Come on, now. You're being overly emotional because of the drugs you took earlier.
- Norman Douglas: IT'S SUPER UNFAIR THAT I'M NOT ACCEPTED BY YOU ALL! WAAAHAAAHAAAAA!
Norman scampers away, and in the background a horn sounds - signifying the start of the race.
- Gerald: Come on, Hot Dog.
- Hot Dog: FA-NA-LA-NA-LA-NA?
- Gerald: I need to race.
Cut to the crowds of buns and cats as the Young Man and Sherman look on from above.
- Young Man: Gentlemen! Start your engines!
The buns and cats all cheer restlessly. We then go over to the starting position, where Gerald and Coiffio are about to compete.
- Coiffio: I will end you! How 'bout them apples? My young bald nemene... eh... emen... emenes... emeneses...
- Gerald: Alright, heh.
Brenda, in a very revealing jumpsuit, raises a green flag and waves it to commence the race. Coiffio and Gerald both speed off down the track. Uncle Grandfather then dives onto the track beneath Brenda.
- Uncle Grandfather: Bunununununs!
Back to the Young Man and Sherman.
- Sherman: And they're off! Who will win the race to the death? Young Gerald, or the evil Coiffio?
- Young Man: This is so neat.
Coiffio is in the lead, with Gerald in hot pursuit. Coiffio arrogantly shoots Gerald the bird.
- Coiffio: You do not know how to drive! Look at this finger!
A wide shot reveals that yet another bike is chasing both of them.
- Sherman: Uh-oh! There's something else on the track, or someone... Looks like a baby, uh, scruh, uh, baby in an alligator mouth uh, look!
The newcomer turns out to be the alligator.
- Sherman: The racers better be careful!
- Coiffio: Oh no! Whoa no! A gator! Astronomical Cat, save me!
The alligator closes in on Coiffio. Overhead, the Astronomical Cat sees its master in danger and drops the video camera.
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Coiffio: Get back there, gatow!
Astronomical Cat swoops down and lifts the alligator from the back of its motorcycle. In the meantime, Gerald takes the lead.
- Astronomical Cat: (meows)
- Young Man: I can't believe it! The aeronautical flying cat is using his wingvolution crystal croc-toss powers to hoist the motorgator rider off his bike!
- Sherman: The wh...? What'd ya say?
- Young Man: Oh no!
Astronomical Cat drops the alligator onto Gerald's bike, turning the tables. Coiffio speeds by.
- Gerald: Aaaaaah!
- Young Man: Gerald's in real trouble!
Hot Dog is on the sidelines, watching with anxiety.
- Hot Dog: LA-LA-LA! LA-LA-LA!
- Sherman: But, but wait, wait! What is that there, the hot dog thing? How 'bout he turns into a...
Hot Dog transforms into a lengthy weiner-cycle and gives chase.
- Sherman: ... a transverter weiner-cycle bike!
- Young Man: My goodness. I've never seen a weiner-cycle.
- Sherman: Look out, now, they're gonna...
The weiner-cycle and the alligator both pull out swords and start fighting in the middle of the race.
- Sherman: Uh-oh! What's that!
The alligator jumps onto the weiner-cycle, allowing Gerald to return to the race.
- Sherman: Oooh! Seein' that, that frat dog thing reminds me I'm kinda hungry.
- Young Man: Shh.
- Sherman: Maybe the peanut man'll probably come up here?
- Young Man: Excuse me! These guys are racing to the death!
- Sherman: I don't see nobody dying over here.
- Young Man: They're racing to die!
- Sherman: There's nothing happening to these guys.
- Young Man: Wait! Look!
Coiffio and Gerald speed by, neither one with the advantage.
- Young Man: The racers are now neck-and-neck!
- Coiffio: I will have you, Gerald! Nyahahahahahahaha!
Coiffio looks like he's going to take the lead, but all of a sudden his hair flies off - exposing his regular hair to the world!
- Coiffio: Ahh!
His multicolored 'do spins through the air in slow-motion.
- Coiffio: Mah haiw! Mah haiw!
The hair lands with a squelch on the side of the track.
- Sherman: Oh snap!
- Young Man: Oh my stars!
- Sherman: And the man's... hair... fell off!
- Coiffio: Oh no! My fantastic 'do! Call 9-1-1!!!
- Sherman: Wait, wait...
We see that Hot Dog has returned to his original form, still battling the alligator.
- Sherman: If that hot dog defeats the alligator and then drags his body over and props him up against that hair...
We see Terry floating beside a number of gas tanks, smoking.
- Sherman: And if Twisty flicks his cigarette at them gas tanks...
- Terry: What?
- Sherman: The young balding boy might just could use that hair as a ramp!
Gerald is still racing.
- Gerald: This whole race is confusing. Maybe if Twisty would flick his cigarette towards those gas tanks...
- Terry: What?
- Gerald: ... the explosion would drive me around the track...
Hot Dog, having beaten the alligator, now drags its body over to the hair in order to create a ramp that leads toward Tuna Mountain.
- Gerald: ... and up that hair ramp, to fly towards the mountain... that does not exist.
Gerald rockets along the track, screaming orders to Terry.
- Gerald: Twisty! Confusing Marlboro Debris Combustion Power Ash Flick Force! Activate!
- Terry: What?
- Gerald: Perform Chesterfield Slims Iron Lung Fuel Flip Synergy Ignition!
- Terry: What...?
- Gerald: Activate Lucy Flip Phase Nine Power Fuel... Consumption... Protocol...!
- Terry: ... What?
- Gerald: Do it! Now!
At long last, Terry flicks his cigarette at the gas tanks, which explode - propelling Gerald high into the air.
END TITLES