The episode begins with a Space Ghost title card, which reads - "Williams Street Presents SPACE GHOST in: Perfect Hair Forever © 1966 HANNA-BARBERA PRODUCTIONS INC".
Then we cut to Uncle Grandfather's home, where he is sleeping loudly beneath the low dining table. Gerald enters.
- Gerald: Uncle Grandfather!
Uncle Grandfather is awoken with a start, and he bumps his head on the underside of the table.
- Gerald: I want perfect hair forever.
- Uncle Grandfather: (sitting up) Ohhh yes.
- Gerald: The other students laugh at me. They call me... "Retarded Hair Guy".
- Uncle Grandfather: Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha!
- Gerald: How can I attain such hair that is so desired in our fruited land of action?
- Uncle Grandfather: Sit down nephew, and I shall tell you.
Uncle Grandfather scooches over on the floor, but Gerald remains standing.
- Uncle Grandfather: You will attain a level that will bring you to large gifts of unbalding ways. With those ways you will forrow the path to the pass of the...
A door opens in the background.
- Uncle Grandfather: Ohh. Blenda.
We cut to Brenda, who is carrying a tray of hamburgers. She also happens to be sporting a mini-skirt and thong.
- Gerald: Uncle Grandfather-
- Uncle Grandfather: SIT DOWN!
Uncle Grandfather flips the table up into Gerald's face, knocking him onto his back.
- Gerald: Ow.
- Uncle Grandfather: You dumb looking... Oh, good. She has brought a round tray of hamburgers.
- Gerald: (sitting down) But what about that path?
- Uncle Grandfather: Stay true to the pass and beware the, uh... Well, you know. The guy.
- Gerald: Who?
- Uncle Grandfather: Brenda!
- Gerald: Beware of who?
- Uncle Grandfather: Put those on the top shelf until the fire is hot.
- Gerald: Who, Uncle Grandfather? Beware of who?
- Uncle Grandfather: Coiffio.
- Gerald: Who...?
- Uncle Grandfather: Higher!
- Gerald: Coiffio?
Brenda is straining with her back to us in an attempt to place the tray on the topmost shelf, while Uncle Grandfather and Gerald look on.
- Uncle Grandfather: You can do it. (to Gerald) Now do you understand?
- Gerald: (nonplussed) No, I don't.
- Uncle Grandfather: You see, Gerald-san. Hamburgers should be high.
- Gerald: Uhh... Alright.
- Uncle Grandfather: Ahh. Damn. Rook at dat. Rook... at... dat.
Uncle Grandfather's eyes are fixed on Brenda's backside. He touches himself beneath the table.
- Gerald: Uncle Grandfather?
- Uncle Grandfather: What a bottom.
- Gerald: You didn't finish.
Gerald's words distract Uncle Grandfather and he returns to the conversation.
- Uncle Grandfather: There is no need to finish before it hasn't begun to finish.
Brenda, having finished her task, walks over to where Uncle Grandfather and Gerald are sitting.
- Uncle Grandfather: Blenda. Please do bend over in front of me and see if the coals are ashed.
She does so.
- Uncle Grandfather: Ahhh, good. That, Yerald, is what is important.
- Gerald: But what about that path?
- Uncle Grandfather: (still staring at Brenda) You must attain, Gerald-san!
- Gerald: Uhh...
- Uncle Grandfather: To attain you must... begin... To begin you must... finish!
- Gerald: But Grandfather-
Brenda walks away.
- Uncle Grandfather: Look at that ham.
Uncle Grandfather hops up onto the table as he watches Brenda leave.
- Gerald: But Uncle Grandfather, how do I do that?
- Uncle Grandfather: You have reached the first revel!
- Gerald: What are you talking about?
- Uncle Grandfather: Listen to the hot dog!
Uncle Grandfather produces a hot dog from his back pocket. The hot dog has both a mouth and eyes, and it proceeds to shriek for no apparent reason.
- Hot Dog: DOO DA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
- Gerald: That's an annoying hot dog. May I have a hamburger instead?
- Uncle Grandfather: A hamburger. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... BLENDA!
Brenda springs into action, drawing her sword as Gerald does the same. They face off, leaping toward each other and striking out with their weapons.
- Uncle Grandfather: Action hot dog go!
Uncle Grandfather holds out the hot dog, which now flies from his hands and hovers around the duelling pair.
- Hot Dog: DOO DA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
- Uncle Grandfather: Brenda! Fly up in the air rike I rike!
Brenda jumps up high, her back to us once again.
- Uncle Grandfather: Nice.
The hot dog flies around Gerald, causing him to lose balance and fall.
- Gerald: Uhn!
- Uncle Grandfather: Now hang from chandelier! Ha-ha-ha!
Brenda hangs from the chandelier, looking like she's enjoying herself.
- Uncle Grandfather: Swing! Swing around!!!
She does so, whilst Uncle Grandfather lies on the table and watches from below.
- Uncle Grandfather: Yeah. Awesome!
Brenda and Gerald return to sword-fighting.
- Uncle Grandfather: Ninth revel!
Brenda's sword slices Gerald's right ear clean off.
- Gerald: Ow! My ear!
- Uncle Grandfather: Gerald Bald Z, come here.
Gerald walks over to Uncle Grandfather.
- Uncle Grandfather: What a sissy rittle boy you are. Beat up by a nude girl and a nude hot dog.
- Hot Dog: DOO DA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
- Gerald: Yes, but...
- Uncle Grandfather: You are an embarrassment to my famiry.
- Gerald: Yeah, but which...
- Uncle Grandfather: You are banished until you succeed in your quest.
- Gerald: Yes, but Uncle Grandfather, wh-
- Uncle Grandfather: Get your meat face out of my apartment you balding baldy. Baldernan. Baldernammyninan.
- Gerald: Alright.
Gerald walks out, leaving Uncle Grandfather alone with Brenda.
- Uncle Grandfather: Blenda. Back up into my hands.
Gerald exits the 'apartment' and enters a forest. Surrounded by trees, he walks for some time - at one point passing some members of the Military Police who are wearing blue uniforms and shades. Once he has passed them, Gerald stops and spins 360 degrees while the background rewinds at an intense speed. He finds himself standing on a cloud in the middle of the forest.
- Gerald: I wonder if this cloud does anything.
The cloud rises into the air with Gerald still on it.
- Gerald: Oh.
Gerald finds himself hovering in the sky, sitting in the cloud while gentle music plays. We hear Gerald's thoughts as he meditates.
- Gerald V.O.: Why am I on this cloud?
- Gerald V.O.: Brenda with the hamburgers.
- Gerald V.O.: Brenda, she was so beautiful.
- Gerald V.O.: Why am I on this cloud?
- Gerald V.O.: But what is victory?
- Gerald V.O.: I love her!
- Gerald V.O.: Hamburgers.
- Gerald V.O.: Why am I on this cloud?
We zoom into Gerald's right eye. Everything is black. Gerald appears in the center of the screen, still meditating, while white orbs swirl around him. An image of Gerald's mother floats into view and begins circling him, getting smaller and more distant as it speaks.
- Gerald's Mother: Gerald!
- Gerald: Mommy?
- Gerald's Mother: Gerald.
- Gerald: Mom?
- Gerald's Mother: Gerald!
- Gerald: What?
Now she is replaced by an image of Uncle Grandfather holding a cat. The cat spits out a hairball and Uncle Grandfather places it on Gerald's head.
- Gerald: Err!
- Uncle Grandfather: Secrets, and hairy buttocks.
- Gerald: Umm...
As Uncle Grandfather's image fades into obscurity, the face of a witch girl appears.
- Witch Girl: Your eyeballs look delicious!
- Gerald: Are you talking to me?
The witch's face now gone, Rod the Anime God zooms into view.
- Rod: Beware the coiffed one!
- Gerald: Huh.
In Rod's place, the talking hot dog shows its face in Gerald's vision.
- Hot Dog: (very slowly) DOO DA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
The vision disappears with a sound not unlike a popping bubble, and Gerald finds himself still standing in the forest. The cloud is nowhere to be seen.
- Gerald: This quest cannot wait. I seek the ninth level of power.
Gerald carries on through the forest until he meets a large man in a brown cat suit with orange stripes. He is cleaning himself with his tongue and purring.
- Cat Man: Halt! Not so fast!
- Gerald: Who are you?
The man cleans himself for a few seconds before answering.
- Cat Man: I am Cat Man. I'm gonna scratch your face off.
Cat Man returns to cleaning himself in a non-threatening manner, purring all the while.
- Gerald: Look here, Cat Man. You're little more than an obstacle placed in my path by the evil Coiffio, my everpresent and demonic enemy bent on destroying the world, while I am just a modest youth with a competitive spirit.
Cat Man begins sharpening his claws on a nearby tree, apparently ignoring Gerald. Gerald sits down.
- Gerald: Look how long this is taking.
Gerald gets up and walks past Cat Man.
- Cat Man: Hey, where are you going? That's it? Come back here, I'm gonna cut you! I'll lick a hole in you with my sharp tongue!
Gerald keeps on walking.
- Gerald: That man in the cat suit was gonna be cleaning himself forever. There'll be more cats. More men in cat suits.
Gerald hears a roar and stops. Once again, he flips around 360 degrees while the background rewinds behind him. Nearby, Space Ghost is seen being chased back and forth by a bear.
- Gerald: Look at that guy.
The bear catches up with Space Ghost and starts jumping up and down on his body. The bear picks Space Ghost up in its mouth and sets him down in front of Gerald.
- Space Ghost: Uhn! Oww...
- Gerald: (to the bear) Are you giving this to me?
The bear roars ferociously and chases Gerald on its hind legs.
- Gerald: AHHHH!
Gerald flees, and both he and the bear become frozen in the air as the forest rushes past at an incredible speed. We return to Space Ghost, who is now lying beneath a tree. His surroundings have gone from being cartoon to live action.
- Space Ghost: I might should sit down...
We switch over to an exceedingly long establishing shot of a surburban house. Inside, we see a man who resembles a buffed up Uncle Grandfather. The main difference is his flamboyant hair, which is constantly changing color. He also wears sandals with incredibly high lifts. This is Coiffio, and he speaks with a bizarre accent and the occasional lisp.
- Coiffio: Cat Man has let me down again, why?! Why do I keep relying on him?!
Coiffio raises his left arm and speaks to Cat Man through his wrist-mounted video communicator. Cat Man is still cleaning himself.
- Coiffio: What the EFF are you doing?
- Cat Man: Whaddya mean? I'm grooming.
- Coiffio: Where is Gerald?!
- Cat Man: Oh, he's getting chased by a bear.
- Coiffio: Oh, the bear I had to send because you were so busy with your EFFing gwooming?!
- Cat Man: Sorry, man, you're breaking up...
- Coiffio: The bear I had to send because you were so busy with your EFFing gwooming?!
- Cat Man: Are you calling Cat Man undependable?
- Coiffio: Yes, pussy cat man!
- Cat Man: Yeah, you know what? Suck it.
- Coiffio: Yes!
A red robot bounces into the room.
- Coiffio: Model Wobot, what do you think?
We zoom in on Model Robot.
- Model Robot: I think we're dealing with a very, very, very smart person... or a very, very, very stupid person.
We zoom over to Coiffio.
- Coiffio: And so we are very, very, very much in danger... or very, very, very much... safe!
Zoom back to Model Robot. There is no response, so we zoom back to Coiffio.
- Coiffio: Model Wobot! Pwepawe... Pwepa... Pwe-pwe... Pwepawe... pwe...
We switch back to our regular view of the two of them.
- Coiffio: Get weady... the Twee.
- Model Robot: Do you mean the Battle Tree?
- Coiffio: Yes, the Twojan Judas Hairnet... Battle Twee!
Sting music as we zoom in close on Coiffio's face.
- Model Robot: We don't have that tree in stock.
- Coiffio: C'mon man!
A voice screams at them from off-screen.
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: I'M AVAILABLE!
- Coiffio: Bo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! It's da Inappwopwiate Comedy Twee!
Confetti rains down from the heavens and some upbeat theme music plays as the Inappropriate Comedy Tree squeezes through the door and enters the room. An unseen audience applauds wildly.
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree: I HAVE SEX WITH DOGS! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!
Canned laughter echoes throughout the place as the Inappropriate Comedy Tree leaves to the sound of his theme music. Once again, the audience claps like crazy.
- Coiffio: Yes! Yes! Clap your hands for Inappwopwiate Comedy Twee!
We cut to the sky and then pan down to the forest where Gerald is sitting in a tree.
- Gerald: This tree will keep us safe from the bear.
We zoom out to see that Gerald is sitting on the Inappropriate Comedy Tree's head. Beneath him the bear roars, and we pan back up into the sky as the Love Theme From Perfect Hair Forever plays.
END CREDITS